I wrote about having a period as a genderqueer person, and Lunapads asked to cross-post it, as I discussed reusable pads as an option I use in managing my period. As a thank-you, they asked to send me some goodies.
When the padded envelope arrived, I snagged it out of my mailbox on my way in the door. As I set the rest of my things down, I frowned, curiously squeezing it: there was something rigid inside. I couldn’t imagine what it was. As soon as I pulled the adhesive open, though, I knew it was a pStyle.
The first thing I did was whip out my phone to tweet Lunapads an ecstatically gleeful thanks. The second thing I did was whip out the pStyle and run to the bathroom.
I suppose everyone who pees standing up had a first time too, and you know that it’s awkward. It takes practice. I felt like a five-year-old: pants at my ankles, shins snugged right up against the bowl. I was probably squinting in concentration.
It was awesome.
And that surprised me.
Standing or sitting to pee was never something I had dysphoria about. I’d been curious about stand-to-pee devices (hence knowing exactly what the pStyle was), but in my slow acquisition of things (Ace bandage, check. Packer, check. Actual binder [and never ever binding with an Ace again], check. Harness, check. Harness tools, check.) I’d never really considered getting one.
But man, this felt great. Was it gender-related? Maybe it was just something about standing. Maybe it was the particular nerves the STP was hitting. Maybe it’s just that I’d never tried it before, never known how cool it was–I suddenly remembered being six and longing to stand up to pee. I remembered sitting backwards on the toilet, which was about as close as I thought I could get. I remembered how good that felt–good, but not enough.
I thought I’d never sit down to pee at home again. Then one day it was more convenient to just sit to pee real quick, and since then the pStyle has been in my bathroom cabinet. But I’m still intrigued by how great it felt, and I know it’s something I’ll try again.
And, six-year-old self: one day you’ll do it and it’ll be just as awesome as you imagined!